All in the Family Mike Comes Into Money Youtube

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All in the Family (1971–1979) was a groundbreaking television sitcom starring Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker and Jean Stapleton as Edith. Airing on the CBS television network, the evidence finished at number ane in the Nielsen ratings for five sequent years (1971–1976), a tape it shared with The Cosby Evidence until American Idol passed information technology in the 2000s.

"Archie and the Editorial" [edit]

Mike: Would you stand up up and cheer if it was me at the door?
Archie: Well that depends, Meathead, on whether y'all was coming in or going out.

Archie: All them old Bible people, they was always eating meat, soon as they constitute out eating apples was wrong... Goats, lambs—who the hell ever heard of sacrificing a head of lettuce?

(looking up the right to carry arms in the U.S. Constitution)
Archie: It's right there in your 2nd Ammendment.
Edith: Oh no, Archie. That's the one that says "Thou shalt not make any graven image."
Archie: That ain't the Constitution, Edith. What yous said is the Gettysburg Address.

Gloria: Did you know that 65% of the people murdered in this country were killed by handguns?
Archie: Would information technology make you feel any better, little daughter, if they was pushed out of windows?

Mr. Bennett: And then how do you suggest to stop people killing people?
Archie: That's piece of cake, yous bring dorsum the death penalty!
Bennett: (on the telephone) Get Johnson in here. I want him to run across something earlier it becomes extinct.

Mike: Drivers don't mean to kill people.
Archie: Oh no? You ain't driven a cab yet, bud.

Archie: (on Television) At present I wanna talk about some other thing that's on everybody's heed today and that'south your stickups and your skyjackings. Which if that was upwardly to me, I could end the skyjackings tomorrow.
Mike: (at home) You could?
Archie: All you gotta do, is arm all your passengers. Your skyjacker knows the passengers are armed, and so he ain't got no more superiorority there, he ain't gonna dare to pull out no rod. And so your airlines, they wouldn't have to search the passengers on the footing no more; they just pass out the pistols at the outset of the trip, and pick 'em upwardly over again at the end. Case closed.

"Archie's Fraud" [edit]

Mike: I'k tired. I had a crude 24-hour interval.
Archie: Yeah, what'd you exercise? Bend your library card?
Mike: Yous could never do what I did today.
Archie: Aye? What was you doing?
Mike: Thinking.

Edith: I don't want you going to jail, Archie.
Archie: I ain't going to jail!
Edith: You never could go used to a strange bathroom.

"The Threat" [edit]

Edith - "Who's Madam Taline?"

"Gloria and the Riddle" [edit]

Edith: Peradventure the answer has something to do with people that come back from the future. Like that milk visitor.
Gloria: Oh, reincarnation?
Edith: Yeah!

Barney: Hey, practice you know any Smooth jokes?
Archie: Are y'all kidding? I got 1 living in the house with me!

"Lionel Steps Out" [edit]

Linda: Okay, Uncle Archie, y'all're on my plane. Now pretend you're a gentleman flying splendid.
Mike: That's going to take a lot of pretending.

Gloria: Was your father strict with you, I mean, on who you went out with?
Edith: Oh, aye. The boy had to exist kind, and thoughtful, and a gentleman.
Mike: How did Archie ever pass that test?
Edith: Well, Dad died a year earlier I met Archie.

Gloria Ma, when you say kind and thoughtful and a gentleman, you're describing Lionel.

Archie: If God had intended white people to trip the light fantastic toe with coloreds—
Mike: He'd take given u.s. rhythm, likewise.

Lionel: At present we've been friends, and we tin can proceed existence friends. But when it comes to black, white, and all the other wonderful thoughts you lot have in between—put a chapeau on that, Archie.

Henry: If they want to mix upward the races, let 'em. But we're going to keep ours pure! No more of that foam into the coffee!

Henry: (to Archie) If y'all don't larn to go along your rima oris close, we ain't never gonna get rid of the pollution!

"The Bunkers and the Swingers" [edit]

Gloria: Mr. and Mrs. Rempley. Have I always met them?
Edith: No. Neither have I.

Archie: What's this all about here?
Edith: Oh, I don't know. I won't know until tomorrow.
Archie: You know, yous improve go on a sharp lookout.
Edith: What for?
Archie: For the dingbat catcher.

Edith: Your letter of the alphabet said you was coming tomorrow night.
Ruth Rempley: I wrote the letter yesterday. So when I said "tomorrow", I meant today.
Edith: Simply I read the letter today. And when y'all read "tomorrow" today, tomorrow is tomorrow.

Edith: (opening a package of perfume) Chanel No.5! That's their highest number!

Ruth Rempley: Nosotros were drowning. Swinging saved the states!
Edith: I remember I would rather have drowned.

"Edith Flips Her Wig" [edit]

Archie: First time in my life, I bowled a 227 game. Now what practice y'all got to say about that?
Edith: I was arrested.

Archie: No die to no psychiatrist!
Mike: Why not?
Archie: Anybody that goes to encounter a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!

"Mike Comes into Money" [edit]

Edith: How was your day?
Mike: Well, it was rough, ma—
Archie: Wait a minute, she's asking me nigh my mean solar day, not yours.
Mike: Since when exercise y'all own the day? I had a day, too.
Archie: She's asking me virtually my day, right, Edith?
Edith: Yeah. I was gonna inquire you, Mike, just I was request Archie beginning. How was your day?
Archie: I don't wanna talk about it.

Archie: Lucky me. I got the only Polack who showers regularly.
Mike: Hither'southward a dime, Curvation.
Archie: Oh, a dime own't going to pay for all your showers.
Mike: No, just information technology'll pay for yours.

Edith: If information technology wasn't for his Uncle Alex, Mike would be in Poland right now!
Archie: Out of respect for the expressionless, I own't going to say nothing.

Archie: They don't like a guy like McGovern who's running around changing his mind all the fourth dimension. They want a human being similar Nixon who don't modify for zero!
Mike: You're right about that, Arch. He keeps making the same mistakes over and over again.

Archie: Take your gorilla. Your gorilla wants his child to grow up amend than him too! Only the kid grows up, and there he is, still a gorilla!

"Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Wedding ceremony (Part one)" [edit]

Mike: Actually, your father is on his all-time beliefs tonight. He just chosen me an "unbeautiful thing". Could've chosen me an "unbeautiful Polack".
Archie: The night is young, meathead.

Archie: (regarding Mike's Uncle Casimir) He's got 2 strikes against him from the commencement.
Mike: What do you lot hateful past that?
Archie: Well, he's Polish, strike one... and, he's Polish, strike two.

Archie: All I'm saying is that I don't desire to talk over no wedding arrangements with a substitute-ski!

Mike: Information technology's very simple, Mrs. Bunker. I'm an Agnostic.
Edith: Ohhh... You mean you desire a Rabbi?
Archie: It'due south worse than that, Edith! I retrieve information technology means he can't have kids!

Mike: (to Archie) Whether you similar information technology or not, people do make love every at present and then.
Edith: More then than now.

"Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Nuptials (Role 2)" [edit]

Edith: Gloria... The next time I buss you, y'all'll be a wife. Good-bye, Gloria!

"The Locket" [edit]

Edith: I'm deplorable, Archie. I ain't myself today.
Archie: That might be an comeback, Edith.

Mike: Doubleheader today, huh, Arch?
Archie: What exercise you mean past that?
Mike: Y'all're going to cheat the insurance company and Ma.

Deliveryman: Await at this, Angelo. A whole one-half a buck.
Angelo: Why don't yous tell (Archie) what he can do with it?
Deliveryman: I'd rather see him exercise it with the Television set ready.

Archie: (to Edith) How is it always when y'all do the best matter, it turns out the worst?

"Mike's Appendix" [edit]

Gloria: (to Mike, about his appendix) If it'due south gotta go, it'south gotta go. Why hang on to something that's useless?
Archie: That's what I've been asking you ever since you married him.

Gloria: Michael, that'south our coin. Nosotros each contribute in our own mode.
Archie: That'due south right. You contribute deposits, he contributes withdrawls.

Archie: All them surgeons, they're highway robbers. Why do you call up they habiliment masks when they operate?

Archie: McKenzie costs more because the best ever cost more than. That's how you lot tell what's practiced in America: it costs more than.

"Edith'southward Winning Ticket" [edit]

Edith: I wonder what they say when they sneeze...
Archie: Who'due south that, Edith?
Edith: The Chinese. I mean, do they say "God anoint you" or "Buddha anoint y'all"?
Archie: You really wanna know, the Chinks just sneeze and say nothing. They tin't speak English.
Mike: Why couldn't they say "Buddha bless you" in Chinese?
Archie: Because they don't say that, that'southward why. If they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".
Mike: That's Japanese.
Archie: Same affair.
Mike: It'south NOT the same thing.
Archie: You put a Jap and a Chink together, you're going to tell me which is which?
Mike: That's correct, considering I notice out most them. I talk to them every bit individuals.
Archie: Certain, y'all'd talk to them. Y'all'd say, "Which one of y'all guys is the Chink?"

Mike: I'd explain it to y'all, Arch, but first you'd have to motion your brain alee two centuries.
Archie: Why don't yous take a brusque walk on a long pier?
Mike: You lot can't fifty-fifty get THAT correct! It's "Why don't you take a LONG walk on a SHORT pier?
Archie: Then practise THAT.

Mike: C'mon, Archie, two measly dollars. Didn't you e'er bet on anything?
Archie: Yeah... I bet that my daughter would marry a human being and lost!

Henry Jefferson: Bunker, you ain't going to get away with this. Yous've been adulterous the states for 400 years!
Archie: What are you lot talking nearly? Yous've only been on the cake for two years.
Henry: I'm talking nigh how you white people come to Africa to steal usa, and and so when yous was through stealing the states, and when nosotros went around to watch you, you stolen our whole state!
Archie: I've never even BEEN to Africa!
Henry: Neither take I, and THAT'S your error, too!

Archie and the Bowling Squad" [edit]

Archie: This is one of the greatest days of my life.
Edith: That'southward wonderful. What is it?
Archie: Oh, boy, sensational news. Are you ready?
Edith: Yes, I can hardly expect.
Archie: Remember Hank Phillips from the gas station?
Edith: Yeah.
Archie: He'south dead.
Edith: Oh my!
Mike: A guy dies and you're happy?
Archie: Volition you lot expect a minute, I didn't say that. I'm only happy because the guy tin can't bowl no more than. That's all. See, I'g waiting six years to go a spot on this special bowling team, and now there's a spot opened up. I'k deplorable the guy is dead, only that's life.

Mike: Arch, it's discrimination keeping out a guy considering of what he is.
Archie: They don't continue nobody out because of what he is. They keep a guy out perchance considering of what he ain't. Similar, for instance if he ain't a skillful bowler, he ain't gettin' in—and if he ain't white and Protestant. What could be fairer than that?
Mike: Letting in everyone in, no affair what color he is, no thing what religion he is. That'due south what this country is supposed to be about.
Archie: Go out of here, that'due south only for the civil service.

"Archie Goes to the Hospital" [edit]

(Louise & Lionel are visiting Archie in the hospital)
Mr. Duval: Archie! Aren't yous going to introduce me to your family? Your wife (Louise) looks charming!
Archie: Jean, heed. Her and me own't married.
Mr. Duval: Fifty-fifty better! She gave you a fine-looking son anyway.
Archie: She never gave me nothing only chicken soup here. Lionel, tell Jean you lot own't my son.
Lionel: Okay, whatever you say, Pop.

Archie: Where's Gloria?
Mike: Oh, she said she'd stop by on her way from work.
Archie: I wish y'all could say you'd stop by on the way from work.
Mike: (sarcastic) You know Arch, it'southward really a thrill visiting you.

"Oh Say, Can You Meet" [edit]

Edith: Everybody has a little trouble seeing the words close-up after they laissez passer a certain age.
Archie: I told you, it ain't age! Information technology's the ink they utilize in the newspaper.

Edith: I've needed spectacles for years, and you're older than I am.
Archie: That's only because I was born first.

Archie: (to Kelsey) Why don't you go dorsum to bartender's schoolhouse and take a class in "shut up"?

Archie: You're Bill Mulherin's kid brother.
Pecker: Amend than that, I'm Bill Mulherin.
Archie: Naaah.
Bill: I am.
Archie: You're Bill Mulhe-
Beak: Uh-huh.
Archie: Well I'll be, yous are. Hey, come over hither. How are y'all. How've you been?
Nib: Peachy, swell. Just smashing. Now can I enquire you a question?
Archie: Yeah, sure.
Beak: Who are you?
Archie: You don't retrieve me, Archie Bunker?
Neb: Archie Bunker? I thought you were expressionless.

Archie: How do yous practice information technology? How do you stay and then young?
Bill: Information technology's like I told y'all before, Arch. The secret is up here (pointing to his caput). You desire to stay young, you call up immature, and wait until you lot get a load of the young friend that's meeting me. One look at her and you feel 10 years younger.
Archie: Oh, y'all're meetin' a girl in here, huh Bill?
Bill: When she gets here, phone call me Brad.
Archie: Brad? What for?
Bill: Well, it sounds younger. Bill ain't got no pizazz to it. People start calling you lot Brad, and you, y'all feel like a Brad.

"Archie Goes Too Far" [edit]

Archie: Your room is even so in my house, which means I got the right to search it.
Mike: (to Gloria) We're living in the Watergate Hotel hither.

Mike: What most your father? How can y'all trust him again? The next thing you know, he's going to be bugging our bed!
Archie: The only bug in your bed is when yous hop in it!

(Gloria is crying later on Mike walks out)
Edith: He'll be back as soon as he gets over existence mad.
Archie: Yep, which should be effectually dinnertime.

Archie: Wait a minute, where are yous going?
Edith: I'thou her mother, that's where I'm going!

"Class Reunion" [edit]

(doorbell rings)
Archie: Ringing the bell on a Sunday, information technology'southward a day of rest! Don't people read their Bibles no more? What happened to Christianity anyhow?... Whoever that is, tell them to go the hell outta here!

Edith: (referring to Mavis Pike) She'southward a women's lib! It means she's non a "Mrs.", and she's not a "Ms." neither.
Archie: What does that make her, a about-Ms.?
Mavis: Edith, I was going to enquire you if y'all've had an interesting life... but he saved me the trouble.

Willie: Tony Roselli!
Archie: Huh?
Willie: Tony Roselli... I never forget a face!
Archie: Yous but bankrupt your record.

Classmate: GOD, he was beautiful!

"Hot Watch" [edit]

(demonstrating the new lookout man's warning)
Archie: That's for suppertime, see? And that'south the warning you're gonna hear every night around this time, Edith, to bear witness you that supper should be on the tabular array.
Edith: Well, suppose I'yard in another room and I don't hear it?
Gloria: So you'll hear the onetime alarm, Ma... Edith, get supper on the tabular array!
Edith: Archie, that sounded just like you lot!
Archie: Oh, actually? And so why don't it make you move?

Archie: What the hell am I eating?
Edith: "Yankee Stew."
Archie: Well, the Yankees struck out.

Edith: I saw something about a scout like that on Mannix.
Archie: Yeah, what?
Edith: Or was it Let's Make A Deal?

"Archie Is Branded" [edit]

Paul: I wouldn't have known it from looking at you. You don't look Jewish.
Archie: There is a good reason for that. I'thou not.

Mike: This is Archie Bunker. And I can honestly say that he is non nor has ever been a member of the Jewish faith.

Mike: Arch, if I did not know amend. I'd swear those were your words coming out of his (Paul'due south) mouth.

Paul: We tried but you tin't talk to fanatics.

Paul: One twenty-four hours you will observe that this (curling Mike's paw into a fist) is the just respond.
Mike: What I've learned is that "this"...simply gets y'all "this" (holding up the other fist.)

"Everybody Tells the Truth" [edit]

Mike: (regarding the eating house) We'd idea you'd like this identify.
Archie: What would brand yous remember that?
Mike: It's cheap.

Evil Archie: You impaired meatheaded, unemployed, oversexed pinko Professor of Polack you lot!
Good Mike: Those are not very kind things to say. But I'll endeavor to exercise better.

Evil Mike: You lot're maxim I'one thousand the ane that bankrupt the refrigerator. Well, I'one thousand not the only 1 who uses it, y'all know! I'grand non the only one who eats around here, you know! We all eat! You eat equally much as I do!
Evil Gloria: Michael's correct, daddy. He's right and he's always right! Did you hear me? He's always right!
Good Archie: Well of course he is, he's a college boy.

Evil Jack: You all-time tell the dude this house call's gonna toll him 32 bills, for openers.
Evil Repairman: And sixteen bucks for every five minutes after the one-half-hr.
Good Archie: Very reasonable.

Good Repairman: Before it broke downward, was the light working, Mrs. Bunker?
Edith: Well, off and on.
Good Repairman: How do yous mean?
Edith: Well, on when I opened it... and off when I closed it.

Evil Jack: Yous know something? You irritate me.
Good" Archie: Maybe we can sit down and discuss it, and I'll learn how to improve myself.
Mike: (back in the restraunt) Y'all're crazy! You are crazy! You never talked that rational in your life!
Archie: I don't talk rational, because I make sense!

"Archie Learns His Lesson" [edit]

"Gloria the Victim" [edit]

Archie: Practise for your own—take care of your own, that's the rule. That's what nosotros done hither today. We took intendance of our own.

"The Battle of the Calendar month" [edit]

Archie: God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God.

Archie: Read your story of Adam & Eve at that place. They had it pretty soft at that place in paradise, they didn't have no worries, they didn't even know they was naked! And Eve, she wasn't satisfied with that, see? And one day, confronting direct orders she made poor Adam eat that apple. God got sore, He told them "Go your apparel on and go the hell outta here."

Edith: "Nothing" just came into my mind.
Archie: It must have felt correct at abode there.

Archie: How dare (Mike) calls me a bonehead?
Gloria: And how did you hear that? Did yous have your lilliputian ears pressed confronting the wall?
Archie: No!
Edith: He listened with this drinking glass.

Mike: Yous!
Archie: What?
Mike: YOU!
Archie: What!
Mike: GAAAAAAHHHH!
Archie: (to Edith) He made more sense when he was coming through the drinking glass.

Edith: So before you ii showtime saying things to each other that you can never have back, stop. And think how much you really mean to each other.

Edith: Practice you think I'k something?
Archie: Y'all, Edith, are something else.

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Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/All_in_the_Family/Season_3